The practical version: keep promises reliably, make the goal concrete but keep the item itself out of sight, start with short waits, and teach a plan for the waiting itself.
What the original studies found
In the classic “marshmallow” experiments, preschoolers could have one small treat now or two if they waited. A 1989 review of that research described how much the waiting depended on what children did while they waited: those who looked away, distracted themselves, or thought about the reward in a less tempting way managed to wait longer.1
That is the useful lesson for parents. Waiting isn’t only something a child has or lacks; it is partly a set of strategies they can learn.
What larger studies found later
The early studies were small, mostly children of Stanford families. In 2018, researchers repeated the idea with a larger and more varied group of children. They found that waiting longer at age 4 was linked to higher achievement at age 15, but the link was about half the size of the original, and it shrank further once they accounted for family background and early thinking skills.2
So a child who eats the marshmallow isn’t on a fixed path. Patience matters, but it grows alongside many other skills and circumstances.
Trust matters as much as willpower
Why wait for two treats if you’re not sure the second will come? In one experiment, preschoolers first saw an adult either keep or break a small promise. Those who saw the promise kept then waited about four times as long on the marshmallow task, around 12 minutes compared with 3.3
For money, this means patience starts with you. Pay allowance on the promised day, deliver any match you agreed to, and don’t quietly change the rules of a goal. Children learn to wait when waiting reliably pays off.
Why it’s worth practicing
Self-control in childhood shows up later in life. A long-running New Zealand study followed about a thousand children from birth. Those with better self-control as children, measured between ages 3 and 11, were less likely to have money problems as adults, such as trouble with credit or saving, even after accounting for their IQ and family background.4 The same study found that self-control varied along a gradient, not “has it” or “doesn’t,” which leaves room to improve.
Ways to make waiting easier
- Start short. A first goal a few weeks away teaches more than one a year away. See saving for a goal.
- Track the goal, not the toy. A progress chart on the fridge helps; staring at the item in the store doesn’t. Looking away from the reward was one of the strategies that worked.1
- Plan the waiting. “When you want to spend it, what will you do instead?” Draw a picture of the goal, count the jar, or do one extra job.
- Make the reward certain. Keep payday and matches dependable.3
- Name the skill. “You waited three weeks for that. How did you do it?” helps children notice their own strategies.
What the research says
- Preschoolers who distracted themselves or looked away from the reward waited longer, suggesting waiting relies on strategies children can learn.1
- In a larger, more diverse sample, the link between waiting at 4 and achievement at 15 was about half the original size and smaller still after accounting for family background and early skills.2
- Children who had just seen an adult keep a promise waited about four times longer than those who saw a promise broken.3
- Better childhood self-control predicted fewer adult money problems, even after accounting for IQ and family background.4
Try it in KidsLearnCash: make a goal from a wishlist item and let your child watch the progress ring fill as allowance and chores add up.
Sources
- Mischel, W., Shoda, Y., & Rodriguez, M. L. (1989). Delay of gratification in children. Science, 244(4907), 933–938. doi.org/10.1126/science.2658056
- Watts, T. W., Duncan, G. J., & Quan, H. (2018). Revisiting the marshmallow test: A conceptual replication investigating links between early delay of gratification and later outcomes. Psychological Science, 29(7), 1159–1177. doi.org/10.1177/0956797618761661
- Kidd, C., Palmeri, H., & Aslin, R. N. (2013). Rational snacking: Young children's decision-making on the marshmallow task is moderated by beliefs about environmental reliability. Cognition, 126(1), 109–114. doi.org/10.1016/j.cognition.2012.08.004
- Moffitt, T. E., Arseneault, L., Belsky, D., et al. (2011). A gradient of childhood self-control predicts health, wealth, and public safety. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 108(7), 2693–2698. doi.org/10.1073/pnas.1010076108
General educational ideas, not psychological or developmental advice. We summarize published research in plain language; read the sources for their methods and limits. No affiliation or endorsement is implied.